As I work for USAirways the news at work is often grim. If anyone has clean humor to post, it sure is a pick-me-up when I can come home and have a good laugh.
Thanks!
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As I work for USAirways the news at work is often grim. If anyone has clean humor to post, it sure is a pick-me-up when I can come home and have a good laugh.
Thanks!
http://www.nonrev.net/correspondents/images/coyne.jpg
An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year his doctor used a new chart, one the pilot had never seen before. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been hoodwinked. Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example, do you taxi the plane out to the runway?" "Well," says the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years." "I can understand that," replies the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!" "But once you're aloft?'
"Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the autopilot and the plane pretty much flies itself."
"But I still don't see how you land!"
"Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!", pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!" [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
Keep'em flying
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I do not know where you get them.
With your sense of humor, you should write for TV. Your humor is better than most of the stuff that is on.
Thanks! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif[/img]
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Some old, some new....
A Few Zen Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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