Well it’s that time of year again - Halloween Survival Guide
Under no circumstances go trick or treating in any of the following geographical locations:
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine (especially if it's called Derry).:o
Wear sensible shoes. You gotta know by now that most monsters are long distance runners and zombies while slow (except for the ones in World War Z) take advantage of those that fall; so forgo the high heels ladies, it’s only for one day.
Don't open any box, coffin, crate, or anything that has been chained, nailed, welded or wax-sealed shut---especially if it's been well hidden for a real----ly long time.
If on Halloween. by some unfortunate circumstance, you find yourself wandering through a cemetery, please, don't call out asking if anyone is there. Trust me, the dead won’t answer and the noise just makes you that much easier to find.
Don’t go into the basement (especially if the power has gone out), look under your bed, or open your closet door, particularly if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or any other odd noise from the other side. Likewise don't go checking out creepy noises outside, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid bark, or rustling in the bushes outside your window, trust me, that rustling won't be your neighbor's bunny rabbit.
Be wary around mirrors. I don't care how great you look in your costume, do not linger long in front of the looking glass.
And for goodness sake, and I cannot emphasize this point enough don't utter the words Bloody Mary five times into a mirror, because a woman dead for centuries will burst from the mirror (really- she will) and cleaning up slivers off the bathroom floor will be the least of your worries.
Don't stick your hand down the garbage disposal, especially if you've just heard strange noises or there's sudden shrieking violin background music.
If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to oh let’s just say a severed head falling to the floor, don’t investigate.
In fact remove the word “investigate from your vocabulary on Halloween. If what you’re curious about can’t be googled just forget it.
Remember curiosity killed the cat, it’s owner, the mailman and anybody else that came to find out what was going on.
Some things you just don’t want to know.
If your little brother gets hysterical and tells you he saw a shrouded figure across the street carrying a lifeless women in his arms; believe him and fetch a bazooka, because that guy across the street won't be going down easy.
If for some reason you find yourself in a hospital where only one person seems to be working and most of the patient rooms are empty, better to check yourself out and take your chances on the street with a box of band-aids and a bottle of aspirin.:o
Even if you're joking around, don't read a book of demon summoning out loud. Don't mumble to yourself either - if you can't read silently you have no business with such a thing anyway.
And my last tip: I don’t care how great the loads are on Oceanic Airlines - you'll want to avoid that airline at all costs. :rolleyes:
Happy Halloween:cool:
