So Lalane you want to know how to hang glide backwards. Ok it's not that bad, but a rev/non-rev traveling combination is a very tricky operation and add to that you're going to/from Hawaii and lets just say your bucking a very strong headwind.
First there is no way to make sure you'll travel together. All you can do is to give your family the best possible odds by choice of flight and backup-backup-backup.
Second, I know you want to travel as a family, but if the goal is to make the flight with your daughter, I'm assuming you don't want her traveling alone, you're going to have to see your family as a 2 and 1 and list that way, odds are better for one non-rev than two; hopefully your husband will make the flight too. Also since your daughter won't be traveling without you, only you or your husband check bags.
At the gate explain the situation to the agent, usually they'll give you an idea of your chances and will try to have you seated within waving distance, but expect to be separated.
Lalane I've done this, but it was before the new security rules, check with your travel office, the deplaneing part has me concerned.
Lastly If you haven't already, read all, (that's right all ) of the Hawaii posts, they should give you an idea on how to narrow those flight odds.
Good luck and fair winds.

Keep'em flying