Money saving tips for the airlines-Humor

Money saving tips to help even the most in debt airline fly into profitabilty.

Abolish all carry on luggage, instead sell a new class of ticket called "Elevated sleeping compartments."

Replace courtesy shuttles with bikes and skateboards

Replace expensive hydraulic jet bridges with cost effective rope bridges

Instead of giving out tiny bags of pretzels, buy one of those huge bags of pretzels from Sam's Club and pass it back.

Pax who bring their own on board meals are charged a new "setup/napkin fee".

Replace satellite TV and in-flight movies with flight crews' home movies.

Parachute passengers into airports, thereby avoiding costly landing fees.

and finally
replace expensive company in-flight magazines with magazines "borrowed" from unsuspecting dental offices.[/list]Inspiration provided by the Pittsburgh Tech News

Hope this brought a smile

Keep'em flying

Those are good but I've solved the whole security thing with two simple rules:

No carry on

Everyone flys nude http://www.stopstart.freeserve.co.uk/smilie/roflmao.gif

http://www.nonrev.net/correspondents/images/atl.jpg

"Ten New Ways To Save The Airlines"
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
1-- Airport car washes
2-- Pop-a-shot contests
3-- Girl Scouts Cookies
4-- Yard Sales
5-- Permanent floating crap games
6-- Dunk-a-CEO
7-- Mini-baskets of cheer
8-- Inflight shines
9-- Protection
10- Tithing[/list]

Some good suggestions, but frankly I think my ideas (see above post) are sure money makers, although I will admit, #6, that "Dunk-a-CEO" idea, does sound interesting. http://www.nonrev.net/infopop/emotic...on_biggrin.gif

Keep'em flying

Northwest to charge more for prime coach seats

For an extra $15 Northwest pax can buy "prime seats" (exit row seats or aisle seats near the front) in coach... I'm wondering if there will be a discount for seats near the lavs? http://www.nonrev.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
On a serious note, what about the safety issue of siting in exit rows?
I can see the commotion at the gate now--Sir I realize you paid for the exit row, but do you really think you can be of much help in the event of an emergency with your leg and arm in casts?
Comments???

Keep'em flying

Warning!!!!! Possible April Fool's Day Prank


WestJet announced today that it will be launching a new program where guests can assist the airline in realizing fuel efficiencies.

“Our Blended Winglet Technology has allowed us to reap the benefits of improved fuel efficiency,” said Richard Bartrem, WestJet’s Director Brand and Communications. “Knowing this, we commissioned a number of studies to determine how this principle could be applied inside the aircraft with our guests. The results were conclusively positive; the combination of specific hand and arm positions of our guests has a direct impact on our fuel efficiency.”
“Beginning today, we ask that every guest aboard a WestJet aircraft assume the inflight winglet position upon takeoff,” says Bartrem. “This involves straightening the arms at a ninety-degree angle to the side of the body, holding the fingers together, and positioning the hand at a ninety-degree angle upward. For more information, visit westjet.com and click on the ‘Blended Winglets’ banner.”

The airline is confident the increased roominess of their Boeing Next-Generation 737 aircraft will ensure all guests are able to fully participate in this cost-saving measure.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Keep'em flying

Still more money saving tips for the airlines-

Thought you might get a kick out of this You Tube link
Remember
"Lavatories are located at the front and the rear of the airport" http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...IR#>/laugh.gif

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Chris @ Aug 9 2003, 08:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

Quote:

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Those are good but I&#39;ve solved the whole security thing with two simple rules:

No carry on

Everyone flys nude http://www.stopstart.freeserve.co.uk/smilie/roflmao.gif

http://www.nonrev.net/correspondents/images/atl.jpg[/b]

---

(horrible images in my brain...)
but pax will have to pay for a barf bag!!!

Tough times unfortunately mean tough measures -
Airlines to initiate new fees http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...DIR#>/wink.gif http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...DIR#>/wink.gif http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...DIR#>/wink.gif

AA- "According to company officials, these charges will include a $25 tax on citizens traveling with any other airline, as well as a mandatory $30 surcharge for passengers who decide to just stay home for the holidays"

"Arpey said that non-passengers of AA should expect to pay a small fee when making Greyhound bus resevations, choosing to drive to their final destination, or simply being a citizen fo the US with a valid Social Security number."

In response "United this week unvield a new $99 "spend the weekend quietly reading indoors" offer, while Southwest is introducing a $125 round-trip for those walking to their corner store for some groceries."

JetBlue has deicided not to charge non-passeners not to fly.

For more info on these new fees please read the ONION - America&#39;s finest news source

http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...#>/biggrin.gif http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...#>/biggrin.gif http://www.nonrev.net/forums/style_e...#>/biggrin.gif