Airline Terminology

Passenger: self-loading freight

Airfare: (mathematics) Unstable number that changes so fast it cannot be measured.

Airline club: paradise-like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures.

Luggage carousel: Mechanical device that always turns in a direction opposite to the one you expect.

No rec: The pax went online and booked his own flight.

Direct Flight: Connecting flight in disguise (what civilians think a nonstop flight is.

In-flight snack: Tiny little treats, sealed in a bag impervious to all but chainsaws.

Code-share: Magic trick in which aircraft from several different airlines leave from the same gate at the very same time.

Overhead reading light: Light that points to anyplace but where your book is.

Remain seated announcment: Phrase that creates an instant urge to go to the lavatory.

737: Response to overwhelming customer demand for more middle seats

Minimum connecting time: Time it takes for an Olympic Gold Metal sprinter to run between two gates.

Hotel Shuttle: Vehicle subject to paranormal effect. While waiting, every hotel van will come by multiple times -- except yours.

Position Closed: This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says -
"Form line here!"

Overhead luggage: Rectangular object expected to magically shrink from the size of a refrigerator to the size of a loaf of bread.

We will be landing shortly, please return to your seat and fasten your seatbelt announcment: Interpreted by passengers to mean -leap up and start pulling luggage out of the overheads.

Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened until we come to a complete stop announcment: Interpreted by passengers to mean - jump up, grab your luggage and head toward the door.

On Time Arrival: An obscure term, meaning unknown.

On time Departure: Cabin doors closed within 15 minutes of scheduled departure. Subsequent delays irrelevant.

Blankets and pillows (archaic) sleep-inducing objects said to have existed in primitive times.

Hope this brought a laugh.