Airline Terminology
Passenger: self-loading freight
Airfare: (mathematics) Unstable number that changes so fast it cannot be measured.
Airline club: paradise-like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures.
Luggage carousel: Mechanical device that always turns in a direction opposite to the one you expect.
No rec: The pax went online and booked his own flight.
Direct Flight: Connecting flight in disguise (what civilians think a nonstop flight is.
In-flight snack: Tiny little treats, sealed in a bag impervious to all but chainsaws.
Code-share: Magic trick in which aircraft from several different airlines leave from the same gate at the very same time.
Overhead reading light: Light that points to anyplace but where your book is.
Remain seated announcment: Phrase that creates an instant urge to go to the lavatory.
737: Response to overwhelming customer demand for more middle seats
Minimum connecting time: Time it takes for an Olympic Gold Metal sprinter to run between two gates.
Hotel Shuttle: Vehicle subject to paranormal effect. While waiting, every hotel van will come by multiple times -- except yours.
Position Closed: This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says -
"Form line here!"
Overhead luggage: Rectangular object expected to magically shrink from the size of a refrigerator to the size of a loaf of bread.
We will be landing shortly, please return to your seat and fasten your seatbelt announcment: Interpreted by passengers to mean -leap up and start pulling luggage out of the overheads.
Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened until we come to a complete stop announcment: Interpreted by passengers to mean - jump up, grab your luggage and head toward the door.
On Time Arrival: An obscure term, meaning unknown.
On time Departure: Cabin doors closed within 15 minutes of scheduled departure. Subsequent delays irrelevant.
Blankets and pillows (archaic) sleep-inducing objects said to have existed in primitive times.
Hope this brought a laugh.
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