I can't remember half the dumb things I've misread but one was misconstruing the term "metal hair bands".
I honestly thought they mean those stupid tiara type headbands w/metal teeth--girls wear them to hold all their hair/bangs off the forehead...I had no clue the article would be about bands like Flock of Seagulls, Motley Crue, Poison etc.
DUH--Major Blonde Moment