Got a kick out of this one : "Taking 15 minutes to undo Velcro shoes feels like an elaborate prank all old people are in on." My father has since passed, but Grandpa John is still upright but hasn't flown since.

I wrote this story in 2009.
Took my dad (87/alzheimer's) and sister's FIL (90, tiny, alert and very grumpy!!) to the airport (gate pass for me, rev tkts for them)

TSA!!! Last minute detail--John has pacemaker. My dad kept saying he'd never done this before--shoes, xray etc--of course, he forgot.
John has something in every pocket, 4 shirts a jacket and cap. TSA guy: do you have anything else in your pockets? Yep. Yep. Ditto, ditto, wink wink (I think he recognized me) Final tally in 2 bins plus carry-on duffle: 3 metal writing instruments, one checkbook, one address book, one wallet and one billfold, one wool shirt, two shoes and a cap. And a handful of loose change! I think he left 20 pounds on the conveyor belt. Over to hand screening...
Meantime, Dad is still muttering about all the "new" system, why do I take off my shoes, getting cantankerous, but I already had him put his cap and jacket in his carry-on (John wasn't listening, of course)
John's telling the TSA guy to watch his billfold and Dad's getting belligerent and...we made it through without being arrested for something...
Then had John sit down and get dressed--had to put the wallet in the inside pocket of shirt 3 and make sure it was buttoned--looked like a hamster getting out of his chest!! Then each pen went in each pocket, then the checkbook, address book and billfold and change. I think it took 20+ minutes and there was no one in front of them when we started!!
I apologized to everyone behind us and wished them a Merry Christmas! Everyone was smiling--talk about Holiday Spirit!