I posted this a few years ago, but with all the new members on the board thought I'd repost.

The 12 days of Christmas- Airline Edition
Status---Effective immediately the following economizing measures are being implemented in the 12 days of Christmas.
  • Day 1
    The partridge will be retained (tradition still counts for something) however the pear tree will be replaced by the more cost effective plastic hanging plant.

    Day 2
    Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. The positions are therefore eliminated and will be replaced by bird photographs taken by flight crews.

    Day3
    Three French Hens---management has blocked purchase of hens from the French or anybody else. A 20 million dollar program is being developed to find an acceptable snack alernative.

    Day 4
    The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option.

    Day 5
    Five golden rings---finally something useful. The rings will be sold and the money used for lapel pins embossed with the motivational slogan "we'll all in this together."

    Day 6
    The six geese a-laying is clearly a luxury the industry can no longer afford. Therefore three geese will be "farmed out" and the remaining geese required to attend "how to trim the fat" classes. Management denies, in the strongest possible terms, the earlier leak that the "farmed out" geese will end up on dinner plates. The term "goose is cooked" was merely an unfortunate comment made by one of our vice presidents and taken completely out of context.

    Day 7
    Swans-a-swimming
    Management feels that seven swans-a-swimming are purely decorative and an icon from a more lavish time. The swans will be replaced with mechanical ones, and, as part to the company's humane outplacement program, the original swans will be trained to sing, since "SWAN SONGS" are in great demand in the airline industry.

    Day 8
    Eight maids a-milking--The entire class of maids training program will be cancelled. AUTOMATION!

    Day 9
    Nine ladies dancing
    With most pax bringing their own in-flight entertainment, the nine ladies dancing will be replaced with video clips of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes.
    PLEASE NOTE-- That due to their long and distinguished service the ladies will not be terminated but gradually phrased out as individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.


    Day 10
    Ten lords a-leaping
    Ten lords a-leaping will be downsized by half. If the Lakers can get by with five leapers, surely an airline can.

    Day 11 & Day 12
    The eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is simply a case of the band getting too big. A lone tuba player, that provides his own uniform, will be substituted this year, wth plans for recorded music in the future.


Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Beyond that, the concept of stretching deliveries over 12 days is quite wasteful and we have arranged to have everything delivered all at one time in one day with pickup at the airport.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS


Hope this brought a smile