Thread: Co-worker Types (Humor)

In honor of Labor Day-
You love them, you hate them. They are your co-workers--the guys/gals you work with everyday.

Armageddon Andy/Andrea -- everything is a tragic opera with this co worker.
Their heart-rending sighs makes you think they have suffered some great tragedy - as it turns out their plan A & B flights to JFK just went red. This co-worker lets every little thing get to them, any drop in the company’s stock price and they have the company merged and/or about to enter bankruptcy.
With Armageddon Andy/Andrea “the end” accompanies every quarterly report.

The Athlete -- this coworker loves to tell you about the miles they’ve run/biked before shift. You get a step-by-step, pedal-by-pedal report of road conditions and calories burned. And if they’re a surfer, you know more about wave conditions and surfboard waxing than any non swimmer should ever know.

The Blue Bird of Happiness -- this co-worker (usually a woman) puts up the seasonal decorations, passes around the “get well” card for signatures and makes sure to take up a collection for gifts. This person boosts morale, although sometimes they do get stuck in a rut - like wearing that same sorry reindeer antler headband for 7 Christmases in a row. ……and yes X, I’m talking about you.

The broken record -- this co-worker only knows one phrase or line from whatever song is stuck in their head - and now it’s stuck yours too. The broken record will sing their “song” non-stop and off-key for hours.
“…..mum mum mum mah, p-p-p-poker face my poker face’’


Chicken little --This coworker thinks the World Wide Web is always in crisis.
Can’t log in: “It’s a virus”
Mouse won’t work: “It’s a virus”
Printer won’t print: “It’s a virus.”
Screen’s too dark: “It’s a virus”
*cough cough* “Uh oh, you’ve got a virus.“

The Dieter -- this co worker thinks that because they’re on a diet, everyone else must be on a diet too. Just the mere presence of mayonnaise on a sandwich will set this co-worker off on a 4 minute tirade about fat and calories. Take out a bag of potato chips and you’ve taken your life in your hands.
　
Drive-by conversationalist -- walks up to you while you’re in the middle of something; asks a question, walks away before you can answer. Wash, rinse, repeat

Fox Hole Buddy -- when it’s about to hit the fan, this is the coworker you want by your side. This coworker is great for support and perspective. This is the person you call when you’ve heard “some weird work rumor and when you need a ”huge favor”.
You--“Hey I'm stuck in Dallas can you…..”, their reply-- “No problem”, and they mean it.

Mr./ Ms. Golden Opportunity -- this co-worker is always on the ground floor of some new exciting money making opportunity. Beware if you’re ever invited over for dinner, because along with the hors d’ oeuvres they’ll be hawking “high quality” knives, cookware, candles, detergent - something. Trust me, it’s an hour long sales pitch and a bland chicken dinner

The Giggler -- this coworker has some irritating habit. Everyone around them has tried to ignore it, but to no avail. The betting now is on who will crack first and duct tape them to the wall.

Goldfish - this co-worker has no apparent long term memory, to the point that they make you wonder if “X” really happened 32 times before in exactly the same way.

Motormouth -- This co-worker thinks no moment is complete unless it’s filled with words. You know about their kids football games, Aunt Dee’s bunion surgery and that their neighbor across the street doesn’t water the grass.
Motormouths don’t chat they deliver monologues.

Old Skooler -- This co worker has seen it all and isn’t shy about telling you about it either. Knows their job inside and out which is why everyone is always asking them questions. They remember, paper time cards, when smoking wasn’t a federal offense and when the company’s headquarters was in New York *wink*.

Mr. Somebody-- This mythical coworker has never actually been seen, but is often quoted.
Mr. Somebody can always be counted on not only to give out the wrong information, but information so erroneous that it stretches believability.
Co-worker- “Somebody told me you were giving away your buddy passes because you had extras.”
You- “Now really, it that what “somebody” said?”

Salesman Sal/Sally -- this co-worker is always pushing something, school candy, raffle tickets, homemade jewelry. They always have some great deal you just have to see in the trunk of their car.

The Scavenger - this co-worker will claim any discarded/unguarded item, usually it’s newspapers/magazines, but it can be that piece of apple pie you had stashed away for later.

Space cadet - this co-worker is a few french fries short of a happy meal.



Hope this brought a smile and I’m thinking you’ve named a few too. *wink*