Thread: The Layover - Humor

The following is a letter from a Captain explaining the actions of his crew during a layover. The names have been withheld for obvious reasons.

Sir,

In your icy, indeed hostile, telephone call of yesterday, you requested a report about the alleged proceeding involving my crew at the XXX Hotel.
May I state quite firmly that the circumstances and the ensuing complaints have been greatly overstated and I relish the opportunity to put the truth of the matter on file.

I believe the hotel manager referred to an unprovoked attack on the piano player in the hotel’s lounge. Now I will concede that there were a few cross words over his reluctance to play “Come Fly With Me” over and over. But it wasn’t until after several run-throughs that our voices really began to blend into a single matching sound.
I am still convinced that the lid of the piano simply fell, and that the piano player’s injures are merely a slight sprain of a few tendons.

I turn now to the regrettable incident in the lobby, an equally vicious distortion of the facts. I was explaining the importance of relaxation to the front desk manager when one of the FA’s began to demonstrate how easy it is to turn common everyday items into workout equipment. It says little for the quality of the drapery fittings that they came off the wall with only a slight tug on the drapes.

As far as the incident in the pool - that the tiles around the pool were slippery is beyond dispute, and I take exception that one of my crew accidentally falling into a swimming pool and the resulting mass rescue attempt, should in any way be construed as a ‘raucous water polo game‘.

Order had nearly been restored with the fire started. I prefer my FO’s version of events, that the fire was the result of spontaneous combustion, and that his disposal of a cigarette in a wastebasket had absolutely nothing to do with the inferno.
Besides, had the hotel used a wastebasket with a closed lit, the fire would have been contained and not have spread to the rest of the hotel. I must say I thought the responsible attitude shown by my crew in helping hotel staff during the emergency should be roundly commended, and I strongly resent the assertions made in the Fire Chief’s report, that we were a bunch of scavengers carrying off bar liquor.

I trust that now that I have outlined the correct version of events, we can put this incident behind us. As far as I’m concerned, my crew carried on in the finest traditions of our airline.

Regards,

Captain (name withheld)