Thread: Happy New Year - 2012

As we enter a new year, the NonRev Forum administrators would like to take a moment to wish you, the members of the NonRev Forum community, a Happy New Year.
We also want to thank you for your willingness to help your fellow non-revs - thanks for joining the conversation.
And a special thank you to the Forum Correspondents, your expertise and willingness to go that extra mile have made many a nervous non-rev’s journey less stressful.


Happy New Year!


A classic bit of humor from our vaults

THE NEW PILOT
Letter to FAA
Washington, D.C.

I was asked to make a written statement concerning certain events that occurred yesterday. First of all, I would like to thank that very nice FAA man who took my student pilot's license and told me I wouldn't need it any more. I guess that means that you're givng me my full-fledged pilot's license. You should watch that fellow though, after I told him all of this he seemed quite nervous and his hand was shaking. He said he had never heard anything like it before.

Anyway, here is what happened.

The weather had been kind of bad since last week when I soloed, but on the day in question I was not about to let low ceilings and a slight freezing drizzle, deter me from another exciting experience at the controls of an airplane. I was pretty proud of my accomplishment and I had invited my neighbor to go with me since I planed to fly to Oklahoma City about two hundred miles away where I knew of a restaurant that served an excellent char-broiled steak and the greatest martinis.
Well, on the way to the airport the road was icy and our car slid in the ditch. I can see why they say that the most dangerous part of a trip is the drive to the airport. My neighbor was a little concerned about the weather, but when I reminded him once again about those steaks and the booze that we would soon be enjoying, he seemed much happier.

When we arrived at the airport there were still a few snow showers around but the freezing drizzle had almost stopped. (which I knew it would from taking that ground school meteorology class) I checked the weather and I was assured that it was solid IFR all the way. I was delighted the weather was so good.

The take-off was one of my best and I carefully left the pattern just the way the book says. The tower told me to contact Fort Worth Center, and I did dial in the frequency that he gave me, but it seemed kind of silly to call in since I wasn't going to Forth Worth. Just then there must have been some kind of an emergency because all of a sudden, a lot of airline pilots began yelling at the same time and made such a racket that I just turned off the radio; you'd think professionals would be better trained. Anyway I climbed up into a few little flat clouds, cumulus types, at three hundred feet, but with I-35 right under me and since I knew I was on course I went on up into the solid overcast. After all, it was snowing so hard by now that it was a waste of time to watch the ground. I realize this was a bad thing to do, since my neighbor undoutedly wanted to see the scenery, especially the mountains all around us, but everybody has to be disappointed sometime and we pilots have to make the best of it, don't we?

It was pretty smooth flying and except for the ice that seemed to be forming here and there, especially on the windshield, there wasn't much to see. I will say that I handled the controls quite easily for a pilot with only six hours. My computer and pencils fell out of my shirt pocket once in a while, but these phenomena sometime occur I am told. I don't expect you to believe this, but my pocket watch was standing straight up on its chain. That was pretty funny and I asked my neighbor to look, but he just kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy look in his eyes. I figured that he was afraid of heights, like all non-pilots are. BTW, something was wrong with the altimeter, it kept winding and unwinding all the time.

Finally I decided we had flown long enough to be in Oklahoma City. I had it all worked out on my computer, (I am a whiz at that computer) but something must have gone wrong since when I came down to look for the aiport there wasn't anything there except a lot of houses. Those weather people sure had been wrong too. It was real marginal conditions with a ceiling of about one hundred feet. (You can't trust anybody in this business except yourself, right?) Why there were even thunderstorms going on, with an occasional bolt of lightening. I decided that my neighbor should see how beautiful it was, the way the lightening seemed to turn the snow on the roof tops all yellow, and the roof tops were so close that it looked like you could reach out and touch them. But I guess he was asleep, having gotten over his fear of height, and I didn't want to wake him up.

To make a long story short, I finally spotted an airport and since we were already late for cocktails and dinner, I decided to land. It was an Air Force Base so I knew it had plenty of runway and I could already see a lot of colored lights flashing in the control tower so I knew that we were welcome. Somebody had told me that you could always talk to these military people on the internatinal emergency frequency so I tried it, but you wouldn't believe the language that I heard. These people ought to be straightened out by somebody and I would like to complain as a taxpayer. Evidently they were expecting somebody to come in and land because they kept talking about some stupid incompetent up in the clouds. I wanted to be helpful so I landed on the ramp to be out of the way in case that other fellow needed the runway. A lot of people came running out waving at us. One fellow, some general with a pretty nasty temper, was real mad about something. I tried to explain to him in a reasonable manner that I didn't think the tower operator should be swearing at that guy up there, but his face was so red that I think he must have a drinking problem.

Well that's about all. After the two FAA inspectors left the weather got really bad, so I got one of the Airmen to drive me to where I could rent a car to drive home; I never did get my steak and drinks. My neighbor stayed at the hospital there in Oklahoma City, He can't make a statement yet because he's still not awake; poor fellow, he must have the flu or something.
Let me know if you need anything else, and by the way, send my new pilot's license Fed-Ex overnight.

Very truly yours
Thurman J. Mudbojne