Thread: Translation Please

Tenjewberrymud

Posted on October 17, 2012 by The Old Wolf
Despite the fact that it has been widely copied and published on the net as an actual conversation from a hotel in Asia, and purportedly published in the Far East Economic Review, the dialogue below never actually took place in any hotel anywhere in the world. It is an intentionally composed humorous fiction and is entirely the creation of Shelley Berman, written as a chapter in his book, published as A HOTEL IS A PLACE, A HOTEL IS A FUNNY PLACE, and A HOTEL IS A VERY FUNNY PLACE, by Price/Stern/Sloan Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 1972, 1985. Any claim to the contrary is utterly baseless and erroneous. I post it here not only because it’s very funny, but because the true attribution (and the correct version) deserves more widespread exposure.

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(Reading hints: You are on the phone. The other party is also in the hotel.)
Morny, rune sore-bees.
Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.
Rye. Rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to odor sunteen?
Yes, order something. This is room thirteen-oh-five. I want…
Okay, torino-fie. Yes plea?
I’d like some bacon and eggs.
Ow July then?
What?
Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch…?
Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.
Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
Crisp will be fine.
Okay. An Santos?
What?
Santos. July Santos?
Uh…I don’t know…I don’t think so.
No? Judo one toes?
Look. I really feel bad about this, but I just don’t know what judo-one-toes means. I’m sorry…
Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eenlish mopping we bother?
English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
We bother?
No. Just put the bother on the side.
Wad?
I’m sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
Copy?
I feel terrible about this but…
Copy. Copy, tea, mill…
Coffee!! Yes, coffee please. And that’s all.
One Minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle-aches, crease baycome, tossy eenlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
Whatever you say.
Okay. Tenjewberrymud.

-- OH MY--this is priceless!!