Thread: Surviving Another Spooky Halloween

With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!

1. Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead. Similarly, do not poke, taunt, insult or otherwise disturb the dead. Trust me, the dead are most unforgiving on this point.
   
   
2. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
   
   
3. When trick-or treating, make sure to never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, crypt and/or mausoleum. This would apply, in general, to any other home of the dead as well. Just stay away in general.
   
   
4. If an elite military unit, or an agency sponsoring such a unit, arrives and says, "we have everything under control", assume they will be wiped out after the first engagement and plan accordingly, in other words -- say a quick hello and start running.
   
   
5. Avoid unusually large seed pods.
   
   
6. Don't stick your hand down the garbage disposal, especially if you've just heard strange noises in your house or if there’s sudden shrieking violin background music. In the same vein, if anything other than water comes out of a faucet, don’t call a plumber, RUN!
   
   
7. If on Halloween, by some unfortunate circumstance, you find yourself in a hospital where only one person seems to be working and most of the patient rooms are empty, better to check yourself out and take your chances on the street with a box of band-aids and a bottle of aspirin.
   Trust me, that hospital is just not safe.
   
   
8. Be wary around mirrors. I don't care how great your Halloween costume looks, do not linger long in front of the looking glass. Just take a quick look and be done. And for goodness sake, and I cannot emphasize this point enough – Don’t utter the words “Bloody Mary” five times into a mirror because a woman dead for centuries will burst from the mirror….. and cleaning up slivers off the bathroom floor will be the least of your worries.
   
   
9. Don’topen any box, coffin, crate, or anything that has been chained, nailed, welded or wax-sealed shut---especially if it's been well hidden for a really long time.
   
   
10. If you see strange lights in the sky run. Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy. Same goes for unseasonal fog.
    
    
    And finally
    
    If the living dead/zombies are outside and the windows are boarded up, don’t go near the windows. Carpentry skills and reliable building materials aren’t what they use to be.
    
    HAPPY HALLOWEEN