Thread: Aviation Quotes-Humor

Hope this finds you doing well; interesting commentary on which we find our humor these days......here goes!

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
>Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor.
>
>
>The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made
>the web department take it down immediately
>(for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too...)
>
>Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
>In order to protect your new investment, please
>take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card
>below. Answering the survey questions is not required,
>but the information will help us to develop new products that
>best meet your needs and desires.
>
>>>>1.
>>>>[_] Mr.
>>>>[_] Mrs.
>>>>[_] Ms.
>>>>[_] Miss
>>>>[_] Lt.
>>>>[_] Gen.
>>>>[_] Comrade
>>>>[_] Classified
>>>>[_] Other
>>>>First Name: ............................................
>>>>Initial: ........
>>>>Last Name:............................................. .
>>>>Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
>>>>Code Name:............................................. .
>>>>Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
>>>>
>>>>2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
>>>>[_] F-14 Tomcat
>>>>[_] F-15 Eagle
>>>>[_] F-16 Falcon
>>>>[_] F-117A Stealth
>>>>[_] Classified
>>>>
>>>>3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......
>>>>
>>>>4. Serial Number:........................................
>>>>
>>>>5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
>>>>[_] Received as gift / aid package
>>>>[_] Catalogue / showroom
>>>>[_] Independent arms broker
>>>>[_] Mail order
>>>>[_] Discount store
>>>>[_] Government surplus
>>>>[_] Classified
>>>>
>>>>6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell
>>>>Douglas product you have just purchased:
>>>>[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
>>>>[_] Store display
>>>>[_] Espionage
>>>>[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
>>>>[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
>>>>[_] Was attacked by one
>>>>
>>>>7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most
>>>>influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas
>>>>product:
>>>>[_] Style / appearance
>>>>[_] Speed / maneuverability
>>>>[_] Price / value
>>>>[_] Comfort / convenience
>>>>[_] Kickback / bribe
>>>>[_] Recommended by salesperson
>>>>[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
>>>>[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
>>>>[_] Backroom politics
>>>>[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
>>>>
>>>>8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product
>>>>will be used:
>>>>[_] North America
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Aircraft carrier
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Europe
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Africa
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Asia / Far East
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Misc. Third World countries
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>[_] Classified
>>>>[_] Iraq
>>>>
>>>>9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend
>>>>to purchase in the near future:
>>
>>>>[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD
>>>>Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle
>>>>{Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon
>>>>
>>>>10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
>>>>(Indicate all that apply
>>>>[_] Communist / Socialist
>>>>[_] Terrorist
>>>>[_] Crazed
>>>>[_] Neutral
>>>>[_] Democratic
>>>>[_] Dictatorship
>>>>[_] Corrupt
>>>>[_] Primitive / Tribal
>>>>
>>>>11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>>>>[_] Deficit spending
>>>>[_] Cash
>>>>[_] Suitcases of cocaine
>>>>[_] Oil revenues
>>>>[_] Personal check
>>>>[_] Credit card
>>>>[_] Ransom money
>>>>[_] Traveler's check
>>>>
>>>>12. Your occupation:
>>>>[_] Homemaker
>>>>[_] Sales / marketing
>>>>[_] Revolutionary
>>>>[_] Clerical
>>>>[_] Mercenary
>>>>[_] Tyrant
>>>>[_] Middle management
>>>>[_] Eccentric billionaire
>>>>[_] Defense Minister / General
>>>>[_] Retired
>>>>[_] Student
>>>>
>>>>13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate
>>>>the interests and activities in which you and
>>>>your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
>>>>[_] Golf
>>>>[_] Boating / sailing
>>>>[_] Sabotage
>>>>[_] Running / jogging
>>>>[_] Propaganda / misinformation
>>>>[_] Destabilization / overthrow
>>>>[_] Default on loans
>>>>[_] Gardening
>>>>[_] Crafts
>>>>[_] Black market / smuggling
>>>>[_] Collectibles / collections
>>>>[_] Watching sports on TV
>>>>[_] Wines
>>>>[_] Interrogation / torture
>>>>[_] Household pets
>>>>[_] Crushing rebellions
>>>>[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
>>>>[_] Fashion clothing
>>>>[_] Border disputes
>>>>[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
>>>>
>>>>Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
>>>>Your answers will be used in market studies that will help
>>>>McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the
>>>>future - as well as allowing you to
>>>>receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
>>>>governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
>>>>
>>>>As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
>>>>to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
>>>>
>>>>Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
>>>>Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
>>>>Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
>>>>
>>>>IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
>>>>addressee(s) named above and may contain
>>>>information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for
>>>>overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no
>>>>sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not
>>>>the intended recipient, any dissemination,
>>>>distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either
>>>>explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an
>>>>irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has
>>>>been used in its correct context somewhere other
>>>>than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical
>>>>use and may be ignored. No animals were
>>>>harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie
>>>>next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
>>>>
>>>>Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
>>>>gratified to learn that there is no hidden message
>>
>>>>revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that
>>>>Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a
>>>>complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you
>>>>can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
>>>>If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg
>>>>and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm
>>>>oven for 40 minutes.