Have you ever noticed that whether a barbarian lord, a deranged wizard, a mad scientist or an alien invader, the bad guy always seems to make the same basic mistakes every single time? Well, here are some of the top things that all aspirings "bad guys" should keep in mind the next time they try to rule the universe.
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The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum--a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright cheery colors, and thrown my enemies into confusion.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time travel devices.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the handsome rebel and he claims he is attracted to my power and beauty and will gladly betray his companions if I just let him in on my plans.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If I learn the whereabouts of the ONE artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a want-ad in the local paper.

I will hire a team of board certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic markmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery. I will carefully read the owner's manual.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full scale emergency.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en mass, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up on my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff ( in the middle of a rope bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering)

and finally to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.[/list]

Keep'em flying