The Normal Innocent Bystander's Survival Guide

Now it's pretty obvious that the Hero's job would be a lot easier if it weren't for the normal human beings who are constantly wandering into the combat scene during struggles with Evil Overlords/Bad Guys. Come on, people. Let's just try to stay out of harm's way so that the Hero can finally rub our the Bad Guys once and for all.

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
If the Bad Guy/Evil Overlord announces to the world that he has reformed and wants only to help people, throw a party, and give away money, don't go; not even if he's playing Prince music... especially if he's playing Prince music. If he's lying, you'll be a hostage or a statistic. If he'll telling the truth, catch the next one.

Watching the Evil Overlord's interview on TV will certainly be interesting, but DO NOT be in the studio audience when she/he/it hosts "Saturday Night Live". Tape it, and wait a week or so to see if any other viewers had any seizures or mind-control problems before you watch the tape.

If the Hero and the Evil Overlord are engaged in mortal battle; go somewhere else as quickly as possible, before you are squished by a car, the statue of the city's founder, or a collapsing skyscraper.

If you are a security guard for a vast, powerful corporation, try to get assigned to the Marketing or Personnel departments, rather that R&D.

If you are spending the night in a spooky old house on a dare, do not sneak away to another part of the house for romantic interludes with your significant other. Instead, wait until you get a nice, clean, safe motel room.

If you come across a body, do not walk slowing in the direction of a suspicious noise, or stand above the body in a stunned state of shock. Instead, call the police on your cell phone while your running in the opposite direction.

Learn to control sneezing, coughing, and other bodily noices so that you won't give yourself away when you're trying to hide from tyannosaurs, henchmen etc.

If you enter a house, fortess, cave, temple, tomb, graveyard, etc. especialy one with a malevolent aura or history of macabre events, and an eerie, disembodied voice orders you to depart the premises, go, just go.

Stay away from all buildings or natural features of the landscape that resemble shulls, fists, fanged mouths, etc.

No matter how hooked you are on phonics, don't try to pronounce things you find inscribed in ancient artifacts.

Artifacts that are found in pieces should be left in pieces. Most importantly, if the pieces of an artifact stick together during assembly without any sort of adhjesive STOP !

When the scholar in the expedition says that the carving promises wrath on he who breaks the seal; it's time to go back to the camp.

If it glows, avoid it.

When the alien ship arrives, do not join the welcoming committee.

Do not take the shortcut through the woods.[/list]


Keep'em flying