You might be from Chicago if:

**randyrandy** · 09-Dec-2003, 06:46 AM

* You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.
* You become irate at people who do.
* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines,"
* You measure distance in minutes.
* Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.
* You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
* You have ridden the "L."
* Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!)
* Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the
bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice. (YEAH!)
* You carry jumper cables in your car.
* You drink "pop."
* You can locate Illinois on the United States map.
* You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois."
* You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
* You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway."
* You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, Bishop Ford.
* You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
* You refer to Chicago as "The City."
* You buy "The Trib."
* No matter where you are in the world, when you hear the term "Downtown"
you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.
* You understand what "The Loop" is. And you know Rush Street isn't part of it.
* You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.
* You understand that you are either a NorthSider or a SouthSider...usually
(but not necessarily) dependent on your baseball preference. And both of
you feel sorry for the WestSiders...who don't have a team of their own.
* You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog.
* You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
* You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City"
* You understand what "lake-effect" means.
* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's
my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with," (Is there
something wrong with this? See next comment.)
* You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which stations they end up at.
* You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, &815.
(Subject to amplification at any time!)
* You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet(588-2300 E M P I R E!!)

**29palms** · 12-Dec-2003, 07:57 AM

That was great Randy. Having been to the "WINDY CITY", I know the real way it got that name was not from the wind off the lake but because of the "POLITICS" in the air. Also, this town (CHITOWN) was built by men of steel. NOT A SISSY TOWN. You left one out. You know you live in Chicago when the bartender hands you an OLD STYLE when you ask for beer!!! Chicago is a great city and anyone from CHITOWN should be proud.

**randyrandy** · 12-Dec-2003, 12:57 PM

You're right about the Old Style beer. Not really sure why, other than its dirt cheap. Really nasty stuff!

**29palms** · 12-Dec-2003, 05:40 PM

Old style is not that bad. You want NASTY stuff? Go upstate New York. GENESSEE CREAM ALE, UTICA CLUB, MATS, Those are some serious nasty beers.

**randyrandy** · 13-Dec-2003, 07:42 AM

Okay, so I know I've posted this a couple of time over the years but here it is again. Presently its about 16 outside.

Chicago Temperature Conversion Chart
(in Fahrenheit)

60 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above
Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.

32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cook-out before it gets cold.

15 above
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 -
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole.

20 below
People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.

40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Chicago people rent some videos.

100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below
ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicago people start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Bears win the Super Bowl

**Migflanker** · 15-Dec-2003, 12:51 PM

Randy you're definitely going to have to revise this list, Californians haven't shivered uncontrollably since Starbucks started selling cafe mochas on every other corner.

And that business about the Bears; hello... Super Bowl XX, Mike Ditka, Walter Payton, "the Frig" sound familiar? I'm telling you that's the kind of lapse that can lose you ordering privileges at Giordano's.
Trust me Randy, if it's 16 outside, you might want to wear a hat.

Keep'em flying

**randyrandy** · 15-Dec-2003, 03:47 PM

Super Bowl XX? Wasn't that the last time hell froze over.

As far as shivering Californians I stand corrected. Its not the cold that makes them shiver its that Starbucks caffeine that's doin' it. My mistake.

**randyrandy** · 09-Apr-2004, 07:18 PM

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Chi-caw-go", or "Cha-ca-ga" depending on if you live north or South of Roosevelt Rd.

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I-94" ... which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare Expressway and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare).

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase "Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many North/South freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin are not ornamental.

The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.

The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, it's 'Taste of Chicago'.

If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Comisky Park.

If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.

If you go to the Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot" Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

**Migflanker** · 10-Apr-2004, 09:42 AM

One more Randy,
You might be from Chicago when every year you swear, "this is the year the Cubs win the series." GO CUBS!!!!!

Keep'em flying

**randyrandy** · 10-Apr-2004, 10:28 AM

Last year the Cubs home opener was snowed out. This year a rain/snow mix is forcasted for opening day this coming Monday. Who thought up the phrase "boys of summer" anyway?

And what do you mean "Go Cubs!"? I thought you were a southsider?

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