Thread: Halloween Survival Guide

Well it's that time again. Your 2019 Halloween Survival Guide

Under no circumstances go trick or treating in any of the following locations, Amityville, the Bermuda Triangle, Derry Maine, or the nearby abandoned house with the overgrown yard and 23 old rusted pickup trucks out front.

Stay away from stairs. Don’t go upstairs, downstairs, don’t look under the stairs and you probably shouldn’t look under the bed either.

Stay away from small enclosed spaces – attics, closets, showers, bedrooms with windows that are impossible to open and rooms with thin doors that are easy for clawed/ax-wielding hands to break through. It should also be noted one should probably avoid backing into, or through rooms.

Don’t investigate anything! Don’t go into any room where the light switch doesn’t work. Don’t check out creepy noises outside – like a dog’s yelp cut off mid bark or rustling in the bushes outside your window. Don’t go into abandoned amusement parks, deserted carnivals, or go searching for the origin of the mysterious lights in the woods. If what you’re curious about can’t be found on the web forget it. Remember curiosity killed the cat, it’s owner, the mailman and anybody else that came to find out what was going on. Some things you just don’t need to know.

Don’t open any box, chest, coffin, crate, jar, or anything that has been chained, nailed, welded or wax-sealed shut----especially if it’s been well hidden for a really, really, really, long time.

Ignore clowns in sewers and you probably should avoid barns, cornfields and wax museums too.

Wear comfortable/sensible shoes. You definitely don’t want to trip and fall on Halloween, because if you fall, you’re going to be left behind and zombies (yeah zombies, it is Halloween after all) will take advantage (your candy……………..gone) So forgo the Halloween fashion statement, wear comfortable/sensible shoes – preferably one’s without laces.

If for some reason you find yourself in a hospital where only one person seems to be working and most of the patient rooms are empty, better check yourself out and take your chances on the street with a box of band-aids and a bottle of aspirin. Trust me, that hospital just isn’t safe.

And last but not least, on Halloween carry a portable phone charger, although it probably won’t make a difference – where you’re going - a definite cell phone dead zone.

Happy Halloween