Thread: Halloween survival guide

It's that time again and once more I'm here to help you ward off the ghosts, goblins and witches that are known to roam on - Hallows' Eve.

Under no circumstances visit any of the following locations - The Bermuda Triangle, Louisiana swamps, Transylvania, and any small town in Maine. You'll also want to skip abandoned amusement parks, cemeteries, cornfields, deserted carnivals, yoga studios and any streets/roads with the name "Witchtrot".

Don't go exploring. Never go in/or out "there". The word "there" to include but not limited to, attics, basements, closets, garages, dark parking lots, barns, the woods, a cabin in the woods, the lake, the beach, the ocean, haunted hangars, or any room lit by a single hanging light bulb.

Don't investigate anything. Don't investigate strange noises, especially if the power has gone out. And stay away from stairs - don't go upstairs, downstairs and you don't want to look under the stairs either. Don't go checking out creepy noises outside, like a dog's yelp cut off in mid bark or rustling bushes outside your window, or inquire about strange lights in the night sky (besides that's probably AA's late flight out of MIA). In fact, on Halloween remove the word investigate from your vocabulary, if what you're curious about can't be found on the web forget it - remember curiosity killed the cat, its owner, the mail carrier and anybody else that came to find out what was going on. Some things you just don't want to know.

Travel light. Don't carry a lot of stuff. If you can't clip it to your belt, strap it to your back, or roll it with one hand - leave it. There're few things worse than having too much baggage - of course as non-revs you already know that.

Listen to ominous warnings, Just because someone is a little bit mysterious even frightening, it doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about - listen, take notes - Information is power!

Stay with a group - think of a wolf pack. Of course there may come a time when the group (for some practical reason) will need to move and you'll require recon. Resist sending one brave person alone into the darkness - it will be their swan song. Keep your pack together, everybody goes - there's strength in numbers.

Wear comfortable shoes. Halloween night is notorious for starting out slow and then suddenly everybody is running. Just remember you don't have to be the fastest, just not...dead last.

Stay away from clowns. Let me repeat that - STAY AWAY FROM CLOWNS!

EXITS! Just like on an airplane you should know where the nearest exits are in your house- front door/backdoor/doggie door, and windows - just remember to detour around any stairs on the way to the exit (see rule#3) and you're golden.

Nov. 1, don't think it's ever over. Just because everything appears to go back to normal, doesn't mean it has. Next year, there will be another HALLOWEEN - It's a franchise!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN