California Driving Rules-Humor

**Migflanker** · 20-Jun-2003, 10:46 AM

California Driving Rules

For those of you who may be driving through this summer
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
1. Turn signals are a sign of weakness and will give away your driving strategy. A real California driver never uses then.

2. Similarly, never, attempt to give hand signals. California drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are waving them on to pass you.

3. The yellow light is not, as commonly supposed outside of California, a signal to slow down. It is a warning to speed up and get through the intersection before the light turns red.

4. In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.

5. Under no cicumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by someone else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

6. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

7. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it, and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

8. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same idiots to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a California driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. When in doubt, accelerate.

11. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

12. Remember that the goal of every California driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

Above all, keep moving.

[/list]

And good luck, You'll need it.

Keep'em flying

**PNSnonrev** · 20-Jun-2003, 05:39 PM

I am sending this to my wild driving Sister on the NYC area. It would also apply to the Northeast.

**MKIN** · 23-Jun-2003, 01:11 PM

Having done quite a bit of driving on the 405 and 101 this past weekend, I am laughing my head off right now. Fortunately, while my husband is considered quite an aggressive driver here in Calgary, he fits right in with the LA crowd.

After a weekend of having myself, and both my parents giving him conflicting directions loudly and all at the same time, I finally had to assert my position as shotgun, and therefore, chief navigator in the vehicle. After much yelling, several u-turns, and many instances of changing 5 lanes in a single bound, I never want to see either of those freeways from inside a rental car again...

**Migflanker** · 23-Jun-2003, 05:41 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>After much yelling, several u-turns, and many instances of changing 5 lanes in a single bound, <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Meg, sounds to me like you're ready for your California driver license.

How to identify where a driver is from
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO

2. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON

3. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: LOS ANGELES

4. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: INDIANA but DRIVING IN LOS ANGELES

5. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on ball game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE

6. Both hands on wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and besides you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any foward progress: FLORDIA

7. One finger on wheel, oven mitt on seat buckle, air conditioner on full, obsessed with finding covered parking: PHOENIX

8. One hand on laptop computer, one hand at GPS/internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having an executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off with feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour: BAY AREA/SILICON VALLEY

9. One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet resting on mat because with all the ice on the roads, you'll not moving anywhere: VANCOUVER

10. Both hands on top of wheel, one foot on brake, watching pedestrians cross against the light: ORLANDO

11. Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel: LAS VEGAS[/list]

Keep'em flying

**chidbar** · 30-Jun-2003, 10:22 AM

Just an addition to your list..

UTAH Driver: Bent over with head firmly placed in lower body orifice..Apparent because driving shows complete lack of common sense or common courtesy..

**Migflanker** · 02-Jul-2003, 12:20 PM

Chidbar,

Highway sign seen while driving through South Jordan, Utah.

_____________________
Children Walking
20 M.P.H. ahead
_____________________

Maybe it's just me, but I think thats pretty fast.

Keep'em flying

**Migflanker** · 07-Jul-2003, 08:46 AM

The official Shotgun Rules

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
Preamble:
The rules listed below apply to the calling of "shotgun" (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding.

The Basic Rules-

1: In order to call shotgun, the caller must say the word "shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call, as long as the driver verifies the call.

2. "Shotgun" may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and directly on the way to the said vehicle.
(A garage is considered outside only if the garage door is open, and all passengers are making their way towards the car. They all must be able to see the car as well. Carports are covered by the awning rule.

Awning Rule: Once all passengers have exited through the final doorway on the way to the car, (provided the car is in view) they are considered outside and may call shotgun no matter what covering is overhead. This rule applies to all awnings, covered decks all outdoor shelters.

3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming.

4. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call shotgun for the return journey.

5. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

Special Cases
These special exceptions to the above rules should be considered in the order presented, the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

1. in the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk, eating or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given shotgun.

2. In the instance the person who actually owns/rents a vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given shotgun, unless they decline.

3. In the instance that the driver's spouse is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given shotgun, unless they decline. Serious boy/girlfriends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.

4. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automaticaly get shotgun, unless they decline

Duties
The passenger who is shotgun must serve as navigator. By this he/she must watch for signs and intersections that the drver may miss during the course of a road trip. The navigator must also ask for directions out the window. It it also their responsibilty to take control of the Cd, radio and a/c, however the driver has final say over play selections and settings. Other occupants of the car can also be given an opinion. The shotgun may also be asked to operate other devices such as windshield wipers and the rear window defroster. If the shotgun is caught forgetting their duties and makes the car listen to commercials, bad music, or books on tape, their privilege can be lost.

L.A. amendment- In the event the car is about to pass an abandoned tool, or any item the driver might find useful in some way, it is the reponsibilty of the shotgun to open their door and scoop up said tool, while the car is still in motion

Chicago amendment- the shotgun must possess the abilty and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (i.e.: being cut off) this is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly and to make if necessay, a fast getaway. [/list]
Pleae follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule 5.

Keep'em flying

[This message was edited by Migflanker on July 08, 2003 at 12:42 PM.]

Thread: California Driving Rules-Humor

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