Thread: Halloween Safety Tips-Humor

More Halloween Safety tips
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Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. If you can't read silently you have no business with such a thing anyway.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to the netherworlds.

If you find a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

Never unwrap the mummy.

When flying on an airplane, at night, in a storm, don't raise the shade to see what that noise out on the wing was.

Don't take anything back to the lab that looks like it might hatch real soon-especially if it is transparent, something inside is moving, or it appears to be lighted from within. In the same vein, NEVER bend over to look into anything that looks like an opening egg.

Never look under the stairs, or the bed, or in the closet, or the cellar, attic...oh you get the idea.

AND FINALLY
Silver works--garlic doesn't![/list]

Happy Halloween!

Keep'em flying

Still more halloween safety tips.

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If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately, don't wait for another warning.

If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, DO NOT peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.

Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."

It is very, very dangerous to back into, or through rooms.

When you have the benefit of numbers, never, ever, pair off, or go in alone. Remember, the more people the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is distracted by, the better your chance of escape

Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.

Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.

Never stick your hand down the garbage disposal.
Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.

Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.

If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the near by deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead.
You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.

Do not go into the woods, barn, dark alley, deserted carnival or any other dark, secluded place. And never, ever open a closed door if behind it you hear scratching, heavy breathing, gibbering, screams or any other strange noises from the other side.

If you discover a room in your new house full of exotic-looking laboratory machines or equipment, do not attempt to turn anything on. Also don't mix and/ or ingest any chemicals or potions. In fact, just get out of there!

If a meteor stirkes nearby, move out of town immediately. By ALL means, don't go out into the dark, deserted woods to look for it so you can poke it with a stick.

and finally
Remember that stange lights are seldom harbingers of joy. Same goes for unseasonal fog.[/list]

Happy Halloween

Keep'em flying

More halloween tips...because you guys never learn

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Wait until dawn to start looking for vampires

If you have a feeling you'll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.

If someone who seems important tells you NOT to do something, (like oh... DON't look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding-psychopath by yourself, etc) by all means, listen to him.

Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead. Similarly, do not poke, taunt, insult or otherwise disturb the dead. Trust me, the dead are most unforgiving on this point.

If you are working at an arctic reseach station and find a body frozen in the ice near a crashed spaceship, absolutely, positively do not thaw it out.

Don't fool with matter teleportation technology, particularity if there are flies in the room. BUZZZZZZZ!

Avoid unusually large seed pods.

Never pick up the phone to call for help, because the phone will likely be dead. Besides, monsters, psycho-killers, etc are attracted to people with phones in hand.


Never handle the rat monkey cage.

If one of your friends makes arrangements for you and the rest of your group to go on a wilderness retreat, and you find out later that there's been long-term waste dumping going on for years near where you're going to be staying, make sure to stock up on all the ammo, explosives, and weapons you can get away with carrying. You'll definitely need it when the mutated grizzly bear that lives in the woods bursts through your front door to eat you.

AND

If an elite military unit, or an agency sponsoring such a unit, arrives and says "we have everything under control", assume they will be wiped out after the first engagement and plan accordingly. (in otherwords-- run and keep running![/list]

Happy Halloween

Keep'em flying

Still more Halloween survival tips, because, well..... you know


Never open any box, coffin, crate, or anything that has been chained, nailed, welded or wax-sealed shut---especially if it&#39;s been well hidden for a real----ly long time.


Be wary around mirrors. I don&#39;t care how great your Halloween costume looks, do not linger long in front of the looking glass. Just take a quick look and be gone. And for goodness sake, and I cannot emphasize this point enough *hey I even underlined it* never utter the words Bloody Mary five times in a mirror because a woman dead for centuries will burst from the mirror and cleaning up slivers off the bathroom floor will be the least of your worries.

Remember quaint corn ceremonies are never really about corn.

If your little brother gets hysterical and tells you he saw a shrouded figure across the street carrying a lifeless women in his arms; believe him and fetch a bazooka, because that guy across the street won&#39;t go down easy.

If for some reason you find yourself in a hospital where only one person seems to be working and most of the patents&#39; rooms are empty, better to check yourself out and take your chances on the street with a box of band-aids and a bottle of aspirin.

Never taunt the ax-wielding maniac. It never ends well.

Wax museums are always a bad idea and should be totally avoided after midnight.

If pets come back from the dead, lock your doors and windows and call animal control immediately.

Resist the urge to pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus, is wearing a hockey mask or is carrying a chainsaw.

and finally

If the living dead/zombies are outside and the windows are boarded up, don&#39;t go near the windows. Carpentry skills and reliable buiding materials aren&#39;t what they used to be.

Remember it&#39;s Halloween, be careful out there.

BUMP!

Since the witching hour is upon us, time to once again read the halloween survival guide